The past few days I have been struggling with the same issue I encountered the moment I set foot on European soil, namely my growing resistance to structure and planning. As you may recall, I had plane tickets directly to Greece on the day of my arrival, however I was so enamored with the idea of spontaneity that I turned my nose at the airport and proceeded to the London Underground, where I promptly fell asleep on my luggage. I planned to head straight to Belgium, but instead I stayed there for 2 days. Afterwards I planned on going straight to Copenhagen, but I ended up in Amsterdam for the night. Then 5 more nights.
The point is, being spontaneous is, evidently, like doing drugs for me. I was able to spend 2 weeks in Copenhagen before I needed my fix and I rushed up to Stockholm, where as it turns out, I should have stayed an extra night because they gave away free tickets to the Britney Spears concert! But I digress. I need my fix again. Today it hit me that I am in Europe, for easily the last time in a long while, doing exactly what I do at home. I wake up, go to work at a clinic, go home, too tired and dirty to do anything but spend a few hours on the internet or read a book.
This has stirred the restlessness within me, a feeling I have had difficulty quieting. It has manifested itself in strange ways, including a desire to change my major and my entire career path. While I know that is a subject that obtains better results through planning, I still can't shake the sheer joy I feel at having a life made up entirely of mysteries. But in this area I will let my head command my heart, because the Spock in me is reminding me to think logically.
The Question of what to do about my European travels remains. Do I stay in Denmark, biding my time until my boyfriend finishes his studies in London, and pursue our planned trip together for the remaining month of summer? Or do I spend one more week in Denmark entertaining my boyfriend and my sister, who are coming to visit, and then when they are gone take the next train to wherever I feel at the moment? Truthfully, I can only afford select places that I have researched. Or perhaps there are other opportunities I haven't yet discovered, which excites me further.
Until this point in my life I have always let my head be my guide, and it has always kept me satiated. But now I am by myself in Europe with an unlimited train pass and I am feeling trapped in a country that remains as unfriendly as the day I arrived, and my heart is screaming to be set free. Do I let Spock keep control, or is it time for Kirk to take over? Or should they share the wheel? I suppose these are the questions that make up life, and now is the time that I begin to answer them. Wish me luck!
I am aware of the Star Trek references. You should know by now that I am quite geeky for my gender. Deal.
